ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
