No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
how does that bad decision feel?
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
