sorry about calling you the devil all night.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Randomize
