Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Randomize
