his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Randomize
