I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
party gras won. party gras always wins.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Randomize
