Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
