Is it because I queefed?
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Randomize
