I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
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