If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
this will be a night to untag.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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