do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
