Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
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