Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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