fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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