I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
