I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
