I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
She swung at the pinata with crutches
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
