somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Randomize
