I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
