and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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