nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Randomize
