So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Randomize
