Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
