The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
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