why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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