Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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