I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize