this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
