and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
