I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
