Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
