Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
