I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
