Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
