I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
