3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
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