It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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