i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
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