i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
