i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
