so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
