My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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