You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
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