Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
