508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
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