Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize
