A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
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