ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Life is so much better after having sex.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
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