i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize