You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
