Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
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