I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
