forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize