Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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