I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Randomize
