What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
