If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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