allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
