Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
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