Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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