I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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