Plan B is the new Plan A
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
