You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Randomize
