i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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