Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
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