She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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