just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
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