wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Randomize
