Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I need to align my fucking chakras
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
