Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
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