I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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