He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
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