6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
