just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
