someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Randomize
