I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
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