people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
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